Introversion, Not Isolation

So I came upon this neat little post today:

http://themetapicture.com/how-to-interact-with-the-introverted/

As an introvert myself, I think that it's pretty accurate in its representation. It's true that unlike extroverts, introverts lose rather than gain energy during social interactions. It's also true that because our energy is constantly being zapped away by social encounters, we require a certain amount of time to recharge after socializing (the recharge time depends on the length of the encounter). The last and most important thing I would like to point out from this post is that while introverts are often seen being by themselves, that doesn't mean we don't enjoy some company now and then. I think the author of the post puts it best when she said that interaction is expensive, and that introverts don't like to waste it on annoying/wasteful things (namely small talk for me).

I consider myself a fairly introverted person, therefore I always try to limit my small talks to a minimum because I really don't have that much energy to expend, and the sooner I get to the matter at hand the better. In other words, if you have something to say, just say it; no need to smooth it over with comments about the weather or how the day is going. However, I do realize that small talk has its place in the day to day interactions with others. For example it is often used to ease the transition from initial greetings to a topic of interest, and I understand that there are many who are uncomfortable with skipping that part of a conversation.

I think the post does a pretty great job in explaining that introverts are exhausted by social interactions by giving their energy, but what it doesn't explain is why we actually lose instead of absorb energy like the extroverts; so that's what I'm going to do here. From my personal perspective, engaging in successful conversation is actually a rather difficult task. There are so many things to be mindful of, especially if it's in person, and all the while you have to try your best to be charming and pleasant. For one thing, body language/facial expressions are often key to deciphering the intentions of the other person; often going hand in hand with that person's tone of voice. For example, someone might have said something seemingly offensive or otherwise negative, and you have to pay attention to how they look and sound to discern if maybe it was meant as a joke or sarcasm. Next there's eye contact. Stare at them too long and everyone gets uncomfortable. But if you keep looking away, you might be seen as rude or inattentive. I am aware of the 'look-at-forehead strategy, but somehow that has never worked for me; it still makes me feel uncomfortable. And then there's the actual content of the conversation. If your attention span is especially low or if the topic just isn't interesting to you, it can be rather hard to concentrate on what the other person is saying for a prolonged period of time. And to top it all off, you also have to effectively manage and choose your responses. You'll want to sound witty, but not overly smug or offensive. You want to be engaging and interesting, but if you overdo it you'll end up looking like someone who likes to hog all the attention. Conversely, if you don't say enough, people might perceive you as dull or boring.

Holding a conversation is really like driving a car in some ways. But instead of navigating through roads and traffic, you're navigating through the conversation. Often times the talking can become really fast paced, therefore reaction time is also important. As a driver you have to be mindful of a multitude of signs and traffic lights, and as a conversationalist you have to be mindful of a flurry of facial/body language as well as tones of voice and other social cues. So my question for the extrovert is this: How can you NOT be exhausted?