I was originally going to post this as two separate topics, but after some musing I've decided that though different, they are related enough that it warrants putting them together.
I was first introduced to the concept of an extended adolescence in one of my psychology courses. I remember my professor commenting about an increasing trend in the newer generations where individuals remain in a prolonged period of adolescence; not physically of course, but in terms of personal development. When one thinks of adolescence, one usually thinks of individuals in their early to late teens; individuals who are still largely dependent on their parents and who have yet to establish an autonomous lifestyle (i.e. moving out, having a full-time job, etc.). However, this period of dependence is increasingly being stretched out into one's early to mid twenties. Many young adults today are living with their parents (myself included), and even those that manage to move out have a higher chance of moving back in than in previous generations. Many people today are also marrying and having children (a cultural sign of adulthood) later in life than their own parents. These and other factors support the view that adolescence, or at least the transition from adolescence to 'full-blown' adulthood, has become a longer process for contemporary generations. However, I believe that the most telling sign that the process has lengthened is that people now remain in the realm of academia longer than ever before; a phenomenon that educationalist Sir Ken Robinson dubs 'academic inflation'.
There are many factors that contribute to academic inflation; some of the more prominent ones include technological growth, population growth, and growth of knowledge. The way I see it, each of these three factors reinforce and encourage the growth of the other two, resulting in a self-perpetuating cycle. New technologies give rise to new ideas and new knowledge, which leads to further technological advancements. These all lead to a more comfortable environment for individuals to live in and to populate while reducing mortality rates. This in turn allows for more minds to discover new knowledge and to improve/invent new technologies. Of course, this is just my own personal, extremely simplified theory, but I think it sounds rather plausible. In any case, I think we can all agree that these three factors contribute greatly to the rise of academic inflation. Graduating from high school used to mark the end of formal education for most, and only the exceptional (and financially well off) went on to receive post-secondary education and diplomas. With each passing generation, more and more people were able to attend colleges, universities, and other post-secondary institutions. Even so, it used to be case that having a bachelor's degree almost guaranteed employment, and having a master's or higher meant you would never be out of a job. But fast forward to present day, and a bachelor's degree no longer holds as much significance as it used to. It has now become necessary, but not necessarily sufficient, for a career. People graduating with a BA is now as commonplace as people graduating from high school in generations past, and today's master's degree is near equivalent to the bachelor's of the past. All this inflation of degrees means that people have to stay in school longer to get the required degree for their desired profession, or just for a better chance at getting the job.
It's not too hard to see why today's youths experience an extended adolescence compared to say, their parents. By remaining in an academic setting for a longer period of time, those extra years serve as an extra buffer or cocoon for the individual against the responsibilities of getting a job, finding their own place of residence, and everything else that comes with being a fully matured, independent adult. Here I must stress that I am in no way trying to criticize this trend, and to be honest I'm still quite on the fence about it, seeing as how I'm living the process myself. I'm merely trying to point out that perhaps it's true that today's youths are less prepared and less certain of themselves than the older generations, not because they're less competent, but because they've been given a few extra years of academic safety from the real world.
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Certain of Uncertainty
Today marks my final final exam of this semester, and (fingers crossed) of my undergraduate career as well. That's right folks, I will be graduating from university come June, if all goes well. I don't think it comes off as too surprising when I say that I've both longed for and dreaded this moment, since most if not all undergraduates harbor such feelings (at least that's my understanding of it). What is surprising, at least to me, is how detached I feel from the whole thing. Maybe it's because I barely got 5 hours of sleep last night, or maybe it's because I've all but busted my brain for the exam (more likely both), but it feels like a strange sense of calmness has come over me. Don't worry though, I'm sure it'll all hit me soon enough. That's the one thing I am certain of right now: all the uncertainties, doubts, and worries I have for the future will follow this calm before the storm.
Looking back, I really can't believe it's been almost 5 years since I graduated from high school. Back then, it was already hard to believe that it's been 5 years since elementary school. Many things have changed then, and many things have changed now. Some for better, some for worse; but all were invaluable to my life experience and personal development...My god, where has the time gone?
Now as in back then I say again: But I don't want to grow up...
If you ask me what I've learned from my time in university, I can tell you I don't remember half the stuff that was taught by my courses. And really, there is no one specific lesson that has stood out for me over these years, but somehow the little bits of wisdom I picked up here and there all apparently added up to shape me into a (hopefully) better person. By now everyone close to me is wondering what's going to happen to me from this point on; my parents especially are worried sick about my future. And to be honest, I don't really have a definite, reassuring answer for them. Heck, I don't even know what I'll be doing 6 months from now. I'm a philosophy major with an interest in writing, so my immediate plans for the future is to look for work as a freelance writer. The industry's not exactly booming right now, but with a little bit of luck, hopefully I'll have my metaphorical foot in the door before long. This is all obviously wishing thinking on my part of course, but one can hope. Like I said, I don't want to grow up just yet, namely because I don't feel like I'm ready for the real world, but I've come to realize that there won't come a point in time when I'll ever truly be ready. The best I can do is go out there and give it my all, and hope it's enough. I still don't want to grow up...but I'm glad it's happening.
Looking back, I really can't believe it's been almost 5 years since I graduated from high school. Back then, it was already hard to believe that it's been 5 years since elementary school. Many things have changed then, and many things have changed now. Some for better, some for worse; but all were invaluable to my life experience and personal development...My god, where has the time gone?
Now as in back then I say again: But I don't want to grow up...
If you ask me what I've learned from my time in university, I can tell you I don't remember half the stuff that was taught by my courses. And really, there is no one specific lesson that has stood out for me over these years, but somehow the little bits of wisdom I picked up here and there all apparently added up to shape me into a (hopefully) better person. By now everyone close to me is wondering what's going to happen to me from this point on; my parents especially are worried sick about my future. And to be honest, I don't really have a definite, reassuring answer for them. Heck, I don't even know what I'll be doing 6 months from now. I'm a philosophy major with an interest in writing, so my immediate plans for the future is to look for work as a freelance writer. The industry's not exactly booming right now, but with a little bit of luck, hopefully I'll have my metaphorical foot in the door before long. This is all obviously wishing thinking on my part of course, but one can hope. Like I said, I don't want to grow up just yet, namely because I don't feel like I'm ready for the real world, but I've come to realize that there won't come a point in time when I'll ever truly be ready. The best I can do is go out there and give it my all, and hope it's enough. I still don't want to grow up...but I'm glad it's happening.
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
First Publication!!
Hello everyone. It is with great pride and joy that I share with you here my first published article! Though it is only a publication for my school paper, I'd still like to consider it as my first "official" piece and, hopefully, as a precursor to bigger and better things to come!
The article itself is basically a summary of sorts of what I've been talking about concerning introverts. Don't worry, I promise this will be the last one (at least for a while)!
And now, for your reading pleasure...http://www.the-peak.ca/2014/04/take-it-easy-on-introverts/
And now, for your reading pleasure...http://www.the-peak.ca/2014/04/take-it-easy-on-introverts/
Any feedback would be most welcome!
Friday, March 28, 2014
Investing in the Future
It seems that I've gone on a sort of introvert rant in my last few posts, so I'll change things up a bit here. The topic I want to address today is education, or rather, the quality of education. And though I only have a few points to make, I feel that they are of the utmost importance.
Being a teacher is really more than just a job, more than a career; although it is certainly those things as well. Being a formal educator, a member of the education system, is to serve a most vital role in society, one which deserves the utmost respect and admiration. When someone becomes a teacher, he or she takes it upon themselves to teach students not only the contents of various school subjects, but also to teach things that are not covered by the system. Teachers teach you how to be your best, and how to live life. Usually, these lessons are mostly attributed to parents and guardians, and they most definitely do teach such things as well, but the contributions of teachers should not be taken lightly, or for granted. When you think about how much time a student actually spends in school and therefore with teachers, it becomes evident that those educators have a rather important role in the lives of young learners.
The role of a teacher cannot be understated. To be a teacher is to make a solemn vow to society to better the learning and development of a young generation. In essence, teachers are tasked with the incredible mission of ensuring that each new generation succeeds; that we have a better tomorrow. Each and everyday that we send our children to school, we are effectively placing in the teachers' hands our hopes and aspirations for the future. As a high school teacher himself, my brother firmly believes that it is his duty and responsibility to educate students not just on math, biology, etc. but also on life.
Of course, we all know that not all teachers are as serious about their occupation as my dear brother, and the consequences can be dire. My dad has told me on several occasions that a poor education is worse than no education. Now what he means by poor education is not to be taken literally (i.e. underfunded schools and such). It is meant to refer to the quality of the education itself. Having less knowledge may be detrimental, but having wrong or false knowledge can potentially be disastrous. Again I do not merely mean the teaching of school subjects but of the conducts of life. Social etiquette and proper moral conduct is just as if not more important than the various disciplines of formal education. I'll not elaborate on proper etiquette and moral conduct here so as not to stir up any heated debates; I leave them to the reader's discretion. Bottom line is, the education system is an essential and invaluable thing for any society, and the hard-working, endearing teachers that form its basis should be well respected and never be taken for granted.
Being a teacher is really more than just a job, more than a career; although it is certainly those things as well. Being a formal educator, a member of the education system, is to serve a most vital role in society, one which deserves the utmost respect and admiration. When someone becomes a teacher, he or she takes it upon themselves to teach students not only the contents of various school subjects, but also to teach things that are not covered by the system. Teachers teach you how to be your best, and how to live life. Usually, these lessons are mostly attributed to parents and guardians, and they most definitely do teach such things as well, but the contributions of teachers should not be taken lightly, or for granted. When you think about how much time a student actually spends in school and therefore with teachers, it becomes evident that those educators have a rather important role in the lives of young learners.
The role of a teacher cannot be understated. To be a teacher is to make a solemn vow to society to better the learning and development of a young generation. In essence, teachers are tasked with the incredible mission of ensuring that each new generation succeeds; that we have a better tomorrow. Each and everyday that we send our children to school, we are effectively placing in the teachers' hands our hopes and aspirations for the future. As a high school teacher himself, my brother firmly believes that it is his duty and responsibility to educate students not just on math, biology, etc. but also on life.
Of course, we all know that not all teachers are as serious about their occupation as my dear brother, and the consequences can be dire. My dad has told me on several occasions that a poor education is worse than no education. Now what he means by poor education is not to be taken literally (i.e. underfunded schools and such). It is meant to refer to the quality of the education itself. Having less knowledge may be detrimental, but having wrong or false knowledge can potentially be disastrous. Again I do not merely mean the teaching of school subjects but of the conducts of life. Social etiquette and proper moral conduct is just as if not more important than the various disciplines of formal education. I'll not elaborate on proper etiquette and moral conduct here so as not to stir up any heated debates; I leave them to the reader's discretion. Bottom line is, the education system is an essential and invaluable thing for any society, and the hard-working, endearing teachers that form its basis should be well respected and never be taken for granted.
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Introverts in a Social World
This was an early draft for an article I wanted to write for my school paper, but it ultimately went another direction. Still, I would hate for it to just sit there on my computer, so I decided to share it here. Let me know what you think of it!
Humans are pretty social beings. Out of all the animal species, we are the only ones that are capable of complex language. This has allowed us to efficiently communicate thoughts, feelings, concepts, basically anything, to each other in a relatively short time; pretty amazing when you think about it. As a result, our society has evolved into one which values those who are outgoing and social more so than those who possess a more reserved nature: introverts. As one of those introverts, I feel that I should speak up for those of us who feel stuck in an increasingly social world.
Of course, no one is ever completely introverted or extroverted, but for those leaning more on the former end of the spectrum, communication can be rather difficult. Though this does not apply to all introverts, there are a lot of us out there who feel socially uncomfortable, or anxious, more often than we’d like to be. Unlike extroverted individuals, introverts don’t become energized when they engage in conversation, in fact, quite the opposite happens. The more we socialize, the more drained we become, and after a while we have to be left alone to recharge our batteries before we can get back out there and face other people. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that introverts don’t enjoy company; we just prefer them in smaller doses, and in smaller groups.
A lot of people mistakenly think that introversion is a choice, when really it’s more of a personality trait that you’re born with. People are born with certain preferences for some things and aversions to others. Introversion can either be seen as preference for relative solitude or an aversion of large amounts of socialization. Of course, personality can be ‘molded’ to a certain extent by environmental factors and such, but you can’t really expect people to ‘change their minds’ about being introverted just by exposing them to more social contexts. Likewise, you wouldn’t expect someone who hates broccoli to change their mind about it because you keep shoving it in his face; the most that he could accomplish is develop a tolerance for it.
But society doesn’t seem to care too much about individuals spending time on their own; it would rather encourage and foster people to become more social and more outgoing. Look at the classroom setting, for example. Students are encouraged to raise their hands in class, to speak up or ask questions or participate. And that’s all well and good, but who actually has the advantage here? Is it the student who can barely find his voice, frozen in place, or the one who would gladly announce his presence to the whole class and make a good impression on the teacher?
Building a social network is another issue faced by many introverts. Whether it be making new friends or making those key connections for career purposes, a lot of introverts definitely have a harder time accomplishing those than others. How many students have been encouraged to join a club or some sort of group (on campus)? And how many actively seek out and join those groups? For some, joining those groups is probably a fun and exciting way to make new friends and connections, but for many others, it is a terrifying experience to enter a new and unfamiliar world. In a professional setting, a vast majority of jobs require some sort of human interaction on a daily basis. For those who have a job, chances are it requires you to talk to people at some point during the day, if not most of the day; which zaps more energy from introverts than they can optimally handle.
We undoubtedly live in a very social world. And with our rapidly growing population and technologies, it’s only going to get more interactive. Introverts are going to find it harder and harder to stay within their comfort zone in this brave new world. Basically, our society is giving us two choices: conform to our extroverted standards of living, or fail in life. Now I’m sure most of us introverts will get by no problem, we’ll be able to manage. But the extroverts will be the ones who excel, because that’s what society encourages. I want to make clear that I am in no way saying that what we have is a bad system. My only goal here is to hopefully raise awareness among the public that introverts are up against it. That's just the way it is and it's no one's fault.
Humans are pretty social beings. Out of all the animal species, we are the only ones that are capable of complex language. This has allowed us to efficiently communicate thoughts, feelings, concepts, basically anything, to each other in a relatively short time; pretty amazing when you think about it. As a result, our society has evolved into one which values those who are outgoing and social more so than those who possess a more reserved nature: introverts. As one of those introverts, I feel that I should speak up for those of us who feel stuck in an increasingly social world.
Of course, no one is ever completely introverted or extroverted, but for those leaning more on the former end of the spectrum, communication can be rather difficult. Though this does not apply to all introverts, there are a lot of us out there who feel socially uncomfortable, or anxious, more often than we’d like to be. Unlike extroverted individuals, introverts don’t become energized when they engage in conversation, in fact, quite the opposite happens. The more we socialize, the more drained we become, and after a while we have to be left alone to recharge our batteries before we can get back out there and face other people. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that introverts don’t enjoy company; we just prefer them in smaller doses, and in smaller groups.
A lot of people mistakenly think that introversion is a choice, when really it’s more of a personality trait that you’re born with. People are born with certain preferences for some things and aversions to others. Introversion can either be seen as preference for relative solitude or an aversion of large amounts of socialization. Of course, personality can be ‘molded’ to a certain extent by environmental factors and such, but you can’t really expect people to ‘change their minds’ about being introverted just by exposing them to more social contexts. Likewise, you wouldn’t expect someone who hates broccoli to change their mind about it because you keep shoving it in his face; the most that he could accomplish is develop a tolerance for it.
But society doesn’t seem to care too much about individuals spending time on their own; it would rather encourage and foster people to become more social and more outgoing. Look at the classroom setting, for example. Students are encouraged to raise their hands in class, to speak up or ask questions or participate. And that’s all well and good, but who actually has the advantage here? Is it the student who can barely find his voice, frozen in place, or the one who would gladly announce his presence to the whole class and make a good impression on the teacher?
Building a social network is another issue faced by many introverts. Whether it be making new friends or making those key connections for career purposes, a lot of introverts definitely have a harder time accomplishing those than others. How many students have been encouraged to join a club or some sort of group (on campus)? And how many actively seek out and join those groups? For some, joining those groups is probably a fun and exciting way to make new friends and connections, but for many others, it is a terrifying experience to enter a new and unfamiliar world. In a professional setting, a vast majority of jobs require some sort of human interaction on a daily basis. For those who have a job, chances are it requires you to talk to people at some point during the day, if not most of the day; which zaps more energy from introverts than they can optimally handle.
We undoubtedly live in a very social world. And with our rapidly growing population and technologies, it’s only going to get more interactive. Introverts are going to find it harder and harder to stay within their comfort zone in this brave new world. Basically, our society is giving us two choices: conform to our extroverted standards of living, or fail in life. Now I’m sure most of us introverts will get by no problem, we’ll be able to manage. But the extroverts will be the ones who excel, because that’s what society encourages. I want to make clear that I am in no way saying that what we have is a bad system. My only goal here is to hopefully raise awareness among the public that introverts are up against it. That's just the way it is and it's no one's fault.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Hierachy of Communication
This is sort of a follow up to my last post, in that it is also about human interaction from an introvert's perspective. However, instead of focusing solely on face to face interactions, I will now be addressing some other forms of communication and comparing them with each other. I will go through them in the order of what I perceive to be the most difficult to the easiest level. I call it the hierachy of communication.What I mean by difficulty here is not the speed or efficiency of the particular form of communication, but how easy it is for someone like me to engage in it without experiencing social anxiety. Obviously face to face communication is what I find to be the most challenging, but since I've covered that already let's move on to the second level of communication: conversing on the phone.
There are two reasons why I find talking on the phone to be easier than talking in person. The big one is that when you're on the phone, the only source of stimuli you need to pay attention to is the voice of the other person. No deciphering facial cues, no body language, and no need to maintain awkward periods of eye contact. Of course, even with just a voice, you still have to pay attention to the person's inflections and converse with them at the same speed as you would in person, but it's definitely an improvement from a face to face encounter. The second and perhaps not so pleasant reason is the fact that you can end the conversation anytime you want. I'm sure we've all had our share of telemarketer calls, and doesn't it feel great to just slam that phone (or pressing that end call button) on them and be done with it? If you were approached by those same people in person, it can be a little harder to shake them off of you. If it was a more important call, say from a friend or family member, and you just have to end the call for some reason (e.g. you need to get back to work or you just don't feel like talking) but you don't want to hurt their feelings and all that, you can pretty much make up any number of excuses to get yourself out of there and they wouldn't be able to call you on it (no pun intended).
The third level is messaging. This type of communication is rather broad and includes phone and Facebook messaging, Skype, WhatsApp etc., but you get the idea. This is basically my favorite form of communication, and where I feel most comfortable communicating. The main reason for my preference is the time factor. When people message each other, they generally understand the case to be that the other person will reply in a relatively short amount of time. But as we all know, this 'relatively' is really quite broad in that it is up to the other person's discretion to decide when he or she will reply. Because there's no real demand for an immediate response like in the first two levels, some people will reply in seconds, while others will take half a day or even longer to respond; it all depends on the person and the context. And also due to this lack of pressure to reply right away, we are given the opportunity to choose our words more carefully before replying; naturally, this is something which I take full advantage of. Because of this, a lot of people feel like I am more talkative online than in person. And this might actually be true, but it is only because when I don't talk in person, I am given the time to absorb what the other person has said, collect my own thoughts, and find the proper words to express them without having to feel the pressure of those long, awkward pauses in between.
The fourth and last level of communication I want to address is in the form of emails/letters. I'm sure that there are still people out there who write, I mean literally write, letters, and I applaud them for it; but I'm not one of those people, so I'm pretty much focusing on emails here. Emails are just fine for me, and the only issue I have with this form of communicating is that a lot of times it takes even longer to receive a response than from the slowest messaging people...it's just not that efficient. On the plus side, you can put in a much larger amount of text and information than you can in mere messages (technically you can do so with messages as well, but nobody really likes reading a paragraph's worth of messages or more). Emails are also great as a more formal means of communication. I really don't have much else to say about them...sorry about that.
Thanks to a comment I've received on this post, I realize that it sounds like I'm solely advocating for indirect communication, but of course that's not the case. I'm merely voicing my opinion about my own preferences for communicating. The thing is, there is a trade-off with these other forms of communication. One one hand, they take away the unwanted pressure of face to face talk, but on the other, they also rob us of the rich and complex interactions that come with that. So the trick is to find a healthy balance between them.
There are two reasons why I find talking on the phone to be easier than talking in person. The big one is that when you're on the phone, the only source of stimuli you need to pay attention to is the voice of the other person. No deciphering facial cues, no body language, and no need to maintain awkward periods of eye contact. Of course, even with just a voice, you still have to pay attention to the person's inflections and converse with them at the same speed as you would in person, but it's definitely an improvement from a face to face encounter. The second and perhaps not so pleasant reason is the fact that you can end the conversation anytime you want. I'm sure we've all had our share of telemarketer calls, and doesn't it feel great to just slam that phone (or pressing that end call button) on them and be done with it? If you were approached by those same people in person, it can be a little harder to shake them off of you. If it was a more important call, say from a friend or family member, and you just have to end the call for some reason (e.g. you need to get back to work or you just don't feel like talking) but you don't want to hurt their feelings and all that, you can pretty much make up any number of excuses to get yourself out of there and they wouldn't be able to call you on it (no pun intended).
The third level is messaging. This type of communication is rather broad and includes phone and Facebook messaging, Skype, WhatsApp etc., but you get the idea. This is basically my favorite form of communication, and where I feel most comfortable communicating. The main reason for my preference is the time factor. When people message each other, they generally understand the case to be that the other person will reply in a relatively short amount of time. But as we all know, this 'relatively' is really quite broad in that it is up to the other person's discretion to decide when he or she will reply. Because there's no real demand for an immediate response like in the first two levels, some people will reply in seconds, while others will take half a day or even longer to respond; it all depends on the person and the context. And also due to this lack of pressure to reply right away, we are given the opportunity to choose our words more carefully before replying; naturally, this is something which I take full advantage of. Because of this, a lot of people feel like I am more talkative online than in person. And this might actually be true, but it is only because when I don't talk in person, I am given the time to absorb what the other person has said, collect my own thoughts, and find the proper words to express them without having to feel the pressure of those long, awkward pauses in between.
The fourth and last level of communication I want to address is in the form of emails/letters. I'm sure that there are still people out there who write, I mean literally write, letters, and I applaud them for it; but I'm not one of those people, so I'm pretty much focusing on emails here. Emails are just fine for me, and the only issue I have with this form of communicating is that a lot of times it takes even longer to receive a response than from the slowest messaging people...it's just not that efficient. On the plus side, you can put in a much larger amount of text and information than you can in mere messages (technically you can do so with messages as well, but nobody really likes reading a paragraph's worth of messages or more). Emails are also great as a more formal means of communication. I really don't have much else to say about them...sorry about that.
Thanks to a comment I've received on this post, I realize that it sounds like I'm solely advocating for indirect communication, but of course that's not the case. I'm merely voicing my opinion about my own preferences for communicating. The thing is, there is a trade-off with these other forms of communication. One one hand, they take away the unwanted pressure of face to face talk, but on the other, they also rob us of the rich and complex interactions that come with that. So the trick is to find a healthy balance between them.
Friday, February 28, 2014
Introversion, Not Isolation
So I came upon this neat little post today:
http://themetapicture.com/how-to-interact-with-the-introverted/
As an introvert myself, I think that it's pretty accurate in its representation. It's true that unlike extroverts, introverts lose rather than gain energy during social interactions. It's also true that because our energy is constantly being zapped away by social encounters, we require a certain amount of time to recharge after socializing (the recharge time depends on the length of the encounter). The last and most important thing I would like to point out from this post is that while introverts are often seen being by themselves, that doesn't mean we don't enjoy some company now and then. I think the author of the post puts it best when she said that interaction is expensive, and that introverts don't like to waste it on annoying/wasteful things (namely small talk for me).
I consider myself a fairly introverted person, therefore I always try to limit my small talks to a minimum because I really don't have that much energy to expend, and the sooner I get to the matter at hand the better. In other words, if you have something to say, just say it; no need to smooth it over with comments about the weather or how the day is going. However, I do realize that small talk has its place in the day to day interactions with others. For example it is often used to ease the transition from initial greetings to a topic of interest, and I understand that there are many who are uncomfortable with skipping that part of a conversation.
I think the post does a pretty great job in explaining that introverts are exhausted by social interactions by giving their energy, but what it doesn't explain is why we actually lose instead of absorb energy like the extroverts; so that's what I'm going to do here. From my personal perspective, engaging in successful conversation is actually a rather difficult task. There are so many things to be mindful of, especially if it's in person, and all the while you have to try your best to be charming and pleasant. For one thing, body language/facial expressions are often key to deciphering the intentions of the other person; often going hand in hand with that person's tone of voice. For example, someone might have said something seemingly offensive or otherwise negative, and you have to pay attention to how they look and sound to discern if maybe it was meant as a joke or sarcasm. Next there's eye contact. Stare at them too long and everyone gets uncomfortable. But if you keep looking away, you might be seen as rude or inattentive. I am aware of the 'look-at-forehead strategy, but somehow that has never worked for me; it still makes me feel uncomfortable. And then there's the actual content of the conversation. If your attention span is especially low or if the topic just isn't interesting to you, it can be rather hard to concentrate on what the other person is saying for a prolonged period of time. And to top it all off, you also have to effectively manage and choose your responses. You'll want to sound witty, but not overly smug or offensive. You want to be engaging and interesting, but if you overdo it you'll end up looking like someone who likes to hog all the attention. Conversely, if you don't say enough, people might perceive you as dull or boring.
Holding a conversation is really like driving a car in some ways. But instead of navigating through roads and traffic, you're navigating through the conversation. Often times the talking can become really fast paced, therefore reaction time is also important. As a driver you have to be mindful of a multitude of signs and traffic lights, and as a conversationalist you have to be mindful of a flurry of facial/body language as well as tones of voice and other social cues. So my question for the extrovert is this: How can you NOT be exhausted?
http://themetapicture.com/how-to-interact-with-the-introverted/
As an introvert myself, I think that it's pretty accurate in its representation. It's true that unlike extroverts, introverts lose rather than gain energy during social interactions. It's also true that because our energy is constantly being zapped away by social encounters, we require a certain amount of time to recharge after socializing (the recharge time depends on the length of the encounter). The last and most important thing I would like to point out from this post is that while introverts are often seen being by themselves, that doesn't mean we don't enjoy some company now and then. I think the author of the post puts it best when she said that interaction is expensive, and that introverts don't like to waste it on annoying/wasteful things (namely small talk for me).
I consider myself a fairly introverted person, therefore I always try to limit my small talks to a minimum because I really don't have that much energy to expend, and the sooner I get to the matter at hand the better. In other words, if you have something to say, just say it; no need to smooth it over with comments about the weather or how the day is going. However, I do realize that small talk has its place in the day to day interactions with others. For example it is often used to ease the transition from initial greetings to a topic of interest, and I understand that there are many who are uncomfortable with skipping that part of a conversation.
I think the post does a pretty great job in explaining that introverts are exhausted by social interactions by giving their energy, but what it doesn't explain is why we actually lose instead of absorb energy like the extroverts; so that's what I'm going to do here. From my personal perspective, engaging in successful conversation is actually a rather difficult task. There are so many things to be mindful of, especially if it's in person, and all the while you have to try your best to be charming and pleasant. For one thing, body language/facial expressions are often key to deciphering the intentions of the other person; often going hand in hand with that person's tone of voice. For example, someone might have said something seemingly offensive or otherwise negative, and you have to pay attention to how they look and sound to discern if maybe it was meant as a joke or sarcasm. Next there's eye contact. Stare at them too long and everyone gets uncomfortable. But if you keep looking away, you might be seen as rude or inattentive. I am aware of the 'look-at-forehead strategy, but somehow that has never worked for me; it still makes me feel uncomfortable. And then there's the actual content of the conversation. If your attention span is especially low or if the topic just isn't interesting to you, it can be rather hard to concentrate on what the other person is saying for a prolonged period of time. And to top it all off, you also have to effectively manage and choose your responses. You'll want to sound witty, but not overly smug or offensive. You want to be engaging and interesting, but if you overdo it you'll end up looking like someone who likes to hog all the attention. Conversely, if you don't say enough, people might perceive you as dull or boring.
Holding a conversation is really like driving a car in some ways. But instead of navigating through roads and traffic, you're navigating through the conversation. Often times the talking can become really fast paced, therefore reaction time is also important. As a driver you have to be mindful of a multitude of signs and traffic lights, and as a conversationalist you have to be mindful of a flurry of facial/body language as well as tones of voice and other social cues. So my question for the extrovert is this: How can you NOT be exhausted?
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